An Autism Moms Journey is Ever Changing
Hi there, it’s Christina. I hope you are having a wonderful week. We’re going to do things a little differently this week.
So I thought that we would just spend some really organic time together where I’m just going to be vulnerable and just share some things with you, because I think it’s good for everyone to kind of get an idea.
So you know that this person does understand, this person has a child on the spectrum and has experiences that are similar to me, right?
That’s really, really important, so I thought, okay, I’m just going to peel back some of the layers and I’m going to share some of that with you today. Now, we all remember what it was like when we had our child, right?
It was one of the best days of my life. My parents actually divorced when I was four, which was unusual in the 70s, so of course, you know, I’m different from everyone just based on that.
But actually, I was really different from other people anyway. You know, it was really new, the whole neurodivergence, and all of those things, so.
My parents decided to get back together and get married again. And then they divorced again when I was five. They tried, okay? You’ve got to give them that. They tried.
We actually moved from Florida and up to a northern state. And everything was so different. So I had to really assimilate into a different way of living.
I knew I was different, like I said, and I saw all the seasons as I was growing up. I see that now and how that really has helped me develop into the person that I am today. So I had decided that I was going to wait to get married.
I wanted to be a psychologist. I loved working with children and families and adults and just anybody and everybody.
You know, all of the populations that I worked with, I just loved them all. And I was married to my work for the longest time until the right person came around. And I was willing to wait.
So I got married at 40. Along the way, I had some medical issues and the doctor said that I wouldn’t have children.
And I thought, you know, God’s bigger than that. You know, maybe if another doctor says that, okay, that’s something else. And so another doctor came along eventually and said, I don’t see you having children.
I don’t think it’s going to be possible. But then there was a third, eventually, in my thirties, and he said, I don’t know why not.
And I thought, okay, I’m going to look at the statistics here, because I’m a data girl. And I thought, okay, you know, two people have already told me this.
Maybe, I should just go ahead and just live my life the way it was meant to live, and it’s still going to be a beautiful life. It’s going to be okay.
I did grieve, and especially when a lot of people say, Oh, it’s such a shame because you should be a mom. It wasn’t something that I was going to have.
So I accepted it, and then I met my husband. And we knew right away, oh yeah, that he was the one. And I told him, I said, you need to understand because I don’t know if you want children, but I’m not going to be able to have children.
So he’s like, no, cause he was actually older than me and by a couple of years. So we’re headed for retirement. We’re thinking about retirement and planning.
And so I was sitting at my desk one day. I was still practicing at the time and it was almost lunchtime and I thought, oh man, I’m so hungry.
I’ve never been so hungry in my life. And I had been feeling kind of weird for a couple days. Something was off. So, I just finished up some paperwork, getting ready to go to lunch.
And you know what? It just hit me like a ton of bricks, literally. And I know that whenever I get a nudge in my stomach, and for me, you know, in my faith, I know that that comes from God for me, you know, whatever your higher power is.
But, I know and I’ve learned that if I don’t trust the nudge, then, and if I go my own way and try to say, ah, that’s nothing.
Oh no, there’s consequences. So I trust the nudge and I pay attention. And it’s almost like I just knew I was pregnant, but yet I knew that was ridiculous. How could that be?
That didn’t make any sense to me. And, so I thought, well, it’s almost lunch, I’ll head to the Walgreens on the way and come back, take a test, and I did.
And, I’m in my office and sure enough, it says “pregnant.” And I had to get one of the fancy ones, so it said four to six weeks. And I thought, wow. Wow.
Of course, all I could think about was that I wanted to tell my mom. She had been gone, actually my parents both had been gone for quite a long time. And, I couldn’t do that. But I was so happy in that moment.
Actually, it was almost like, I couldn’t believe that God had chosen me for this child, to have a baby, that He trusted me to do this, and I was gonna make it happen.
It was gonna be awesome. I was gonna do everything I could. Yeah, I’m just on my knees. Thank you. God. Thank you.
I will make sure that I raise him in such a way that he loves others and that he shines a light to others and helps them in their daily journey. So, you know, I told my boss, I said, Hey, I’ve got to take off for the afternoon.
Go ahead and reschedule everyone. I’ll be back. They’re looking at me like, what is going on with you? I just have to go to the doctor.
And I ran across the street because my endocrinologist was over there and he showed up, he said “you ARE pregnant!” And he was like, wow, this is something!
He’s like, okay, we’ve got to make sure you’re off these meds. I had some problems with my sugar and a history of things. So, he helped me with that and my husband and I were both just in shock for a while.
It was a really hard pregnancy, it wasn’t easy. It was a very long pregnancy. I did not do pregnancy well. My body is like, what are you doing?
I used to always say my body will grow anything but a baby. So, we always have a laugh over that. It was nearing time. And, I had this dream team of doctors.
I had a doctor many years, whenever I was very young (15) when I had a cyst on my ovaries the size of a grapefruit. She said I don’t think you’re ever going to have a vaginal birth because you’re just a small person- very narrow. She said that’s just not going to happen, so just keep that in mind.
But my doctors really wanted me to have this baby naturally. I was like, I don’t think so. I had been in and out of the hospital.
I had preeclampsia. It was just really difficult. And we didn’t know anybody in the area because I worked all the time and hadn’t been there that long.
And my husband always just worked. So we didn’t have a lot of friends around us and our family lived in other places. And like I said, my parents were gone and I was an only child.
Finally, it was about time for him to come. They had admitted me and decided to go ahead and get started. I was in hard labor for like a week and it was crazy because my body wasn’t doing the other stuff that it needed to do.
I had always told them with all the medical issues going on, I said, look, you know, I’m supposed to have this baby. I’m going to have this baby. I would always think back, what if my body fails me? It wouldn’t be the first time.
There’s a reason why they didn’t think I’d have a baby. You save him first! I’ve lived my life, and he’s meant to be here. You save him first! They would just kind of smile, you know, how they do. That night his heart rate dropped and I said, you need to get him out now.
Moms of Autistics Know Their Child Best! Be Tenacious!
And they were not listening to me. And I want you to know this because remember that gut, that nudge? You have that. I know you do.
And I know you’ve thought about ten different times, probably, when you had that same experience. And I want you to always trust it. Always! You are the mother. You know what is right for your child.
And so often we deal with people that don’t get autism. For example, IEP meetings are a nightmare. All of the things. And just remember that. Trust it.
And, they still weren’t listening. It wasn’t until 11 o’clock the next day. And it wasn’t because I didn’t try. I tried and I wouldn’t let it go.
And I kept telling them, get him out. I couldn’t just perform a c section on myself, you know. And, And if I could, I would have!
I’m pretty tenacious, and that’s something I think that you probably understand quite well. So the next morning at 11 they took him and the cord was wrapped around his neck three times.
He didn’t cry. I was just so thankful that he was there. And you know, all the things that we think about, remember the poem about taking a trip to Italy and how you can’t wait. Probably most of you planned a trip to Italy, but then you get rerouted and you go to Holland and you’re like, wait a minute, what’s going on?
Autism Moms Share Similar Experiences But Their Journey is Unique
We all know that experience very well, don’t we? You know, because we wonder what they’re going to be like? Are they going to have my personality? Are they going to look like my husband? Are they going to be a chatterbox like me? What’s their personality going to be like? You know, so many things.
I didn’t get off in Italy, but like they say in the poem, there are many beautiful things that you would never experience in Italy like you can in Holland. Keep that in mind as you go on through your journey.
I was trained 30 years ago. We didn’t know as much about autism. You didn’t even look for autism until the age of three. So, I’m peeling back the layers and I’m being very vulnerable with you today.
I did miss it at first. There was something that made me think, wait a minute, and it was something very small. And I thought, is he autistic?
And I thought, oh you can’t just go by that. It was something sensory driven. He was little. He was a baby. So, I thought let’s just give it time and figure it out. Some of the doctors were concerned since he wasn’t talking. He didn’t talk until he was five.
And I remember thinking, I can’t wait until he talks because I’m a talker and I want to talk to this child and have the conversations with him and teach him things. I thought he was just going to always be non verbal and thinking wait a minute… You know I like to talk, right?
I didn’t understand. And I thought, okay, stop that. You’re getting into that hole and into that stinking thinking. You know what? If he never talks again, it’s okay.
I reminded myself… Remember, this child has a purpose. There’s something to be learned and to experience and I’m going to do all of it. And I’m going to dive right in.
Every week I talk about something a little different, but I stay on the course of mindset, getting stuck in your thoughts, finding a group of people that’s supportive and understanding of autism, and using your strengths to overcome those many challenges that we do have. Everybody has strengths.
Our journey’s a bit different, right? I love doing this podcast for you all and sharing because together we’re better. I just feel like you need to know that someone else gets it too.
I am developing a course right now. I’m not sure exactly when it’s going to be completed, but I’m getting through it fairly quickly.
And I am so excited because this course is going to help you in all of those areas mentioned. It’s going to meet you right where you’re at. And it’s going to be “on demand.” So, how about that? On your timeline. Because it’s hard for us to get time, right? We have a lot going on. And people don’t get it all the time, but we do.
I’m also writing a book, because I wanted to help others understand why… the “why” behind Thriving Moms of Autistics and where it originated I wanted to share my story a lot more in depth. That will be in the book. This is just a teeny bit of the story, so you’ll have to get the book and check it out.
But it also looks at each area that I focus on a little bit more deeply. It is preparation for the course, too. So, I have some of that coming up. It’s all for you. You are my reason. Because I get it. If there’s something that I can do to help others, even just reach one person, I want to do it.
It’s really important to me. And, I’m really glad that we found each other. So, I look forward to our time next week.